


There ain't no wingman like the Kurosaki Family: A Cautionary Tale

by CheshireCaine



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family, Fluff, Funny, Getting Together, Kurosaki Family Ridiculousness, Lowkey Fix-It, M/M, Secret Crush, Shameless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 22:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18903694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheshireCaine/pseuds/CheshireCaine
Summary: -they even work remotely.“Unless you feel like you can tell me now, in which case this’ll be over much quicker and I won’t have to wait and phone Yuzu to say I’ll be late for dinner.”Kisuke was weak. “Sure,” he wheezed.Ichigo tipped his head a little on his palm; coy and rewarding. “And?”Day 1 - Canon Divergence | Time Loop | Time Travel/Dimension Travel





	There ain't no wingman like the Kurosaki Family: A Cautionary Tale

**Author's Note:**

> . . . I wasn't even planning to write this. But it's nearly 3:30 in the morning so goddamn I'm posting it.

Urahara hadn’t expected this. No doubt.

Ichigo sipped his tea. There was something spiced but citrus-y about it. He’d need to ask Tessai for the recipe to pass onto Yuzu later. She was having an obsession with tea-sampling recently, and kept testing them on Ichigo. If he was gonna be made to drink more bitter, green teas, he might as well nominate a sample he actually liked. Ichigo snapped his jaw a few times, stretching the flavour.

Urahara’s eyes wavered, they went side to side like he was looking for a way out. “I must admit to being surprised you’d visit so soon. I know I apologised, but I assumed you’d want more time to . . . _grapple_ with it.”

He was bullshitting. “Not a problem for me at all.”

“Yes, well, I have no complaints about it at all.” He only seemed to wave that fan over his mouth when he was plotting. “If you wished to confirm some details with me, I’m sure your father summarised them aptly. I doubt he’d prefer you’d come to visit with such, readiness.”

“Nope.” Ichigo drank more tea.

“No?” If Ichigo didn’t know exactly what was happening, he’d be pissed at Urahara’s deflection.

“He was totally okay with me coming. Said I didn’t need his permission and I’d probably feel better if I got answers directly from the source.”

A brief silence blanketed the room as Ichigo finished his tea, knowing Urahara was probably cursing Isshin out for unleashing Ichigo on him on his own turf where he couldn’t escape. Ichigo put the mug down, figuring his dad would piss off Karin and new yoga practitioner Yuzu by smugly chuckling around the house, not even trying to hide his glee. Ichigo figured he’d probably deserve being exiled to the clinic or the grocery store for the suspicious cackling but that wasn’t Ichigo’s problem.

“So–“

“Ah, excuse me, Ichigo. I need to use the bathroom. I’m sure Tessai won’t mind providing you with some roughage while I’m away.”

Ichigo didn’t miss the trick. “Not a problem. If you take too long, I’m sure Tessai can show me the plans for whatever it is you were planning to do on my behalf without telling me. If there’s anything he can’t access or doesn’t know about, I’m sure he won’t mind dragging you back to explain.” Ichigo hit him with the scariest tool in his arsenal. “That won’t be a problem, will it?”

“N-not at all.” Something felt lodged in Kisuke’s throat. “If you’ll just excuse me.”

Ichigo’s face was still stuck like that. Brow creased and dimples on display—Kisuke didn’t even know he _had_ dimples—as he smiled beatifically across the table. The wrinkles around his eyes made his face look tender and his eyes were like a vortex of sunshine that had you convinced you’d drown  rather than look away. “Unless you feel like you can tell me now, in which case this’ll be over much quicker and I won’t have to wait and phone Yuzu to say I’ll be late for dinner.”

Kisuke was weak. “Sure,” he wheezed.

Ichigo tipped his head a little on his palm; coy and rewarding. “And?”

“I’m crafting a sword to act as a conduit for Shinigami powers. Captain Yamamoto won’t say no to helping. Once fuelled up with the reiatsu of enough willing volunteers, we can give you your powers back.”

Ichigo’s face twitched. Nothing more.

“You. I understand it may take some time–“

“No, my old man told me before I left.” Ichigo almost laughed at the look on his face. “He said he didn’t see any point in keeping me in the dark, but you needed to be on your toes more. And show more honesty. He’s right. I understand why you did it the first time but it isn’t helpful now. Even if you have no guarantees it’ll work, and in the meantime you sound a lot surer than you made out to my dad, it makes it hard for me to work with you in future if you stay unwilling to disclose pertinent information.”

Urahara was frozen.

“Damn.” Ichigo dropped his fist onto the table. “I owe Karin a 1000 yen and dad a round of paperwork for the clinic. They figured you’d be into the playing nice. I don’t even wanna think about the shopping trip I owe Yuzu—I thought it was too far to say it was the combo of niceness and danger.” Ichigo leaned across the table. “But you’re friends with Yoruichi—clearly you see some appeal in danger.” Ichigo rocked back, eyes inching over Kisuke’s reddening face. “Well at least I get to pick dinner for a week. I knew you’d try to escape and kill time by masturbating.”

Kisuke slipped a hand over his face, fan forgotten.

“It’s okay.” Ichigo crawled across the floor and dropped a comforting hand on his knee; Urahara’s knee nearly sprang up with shock. “I’ve caught Kon doing worse in the bathroom. Saw parts of myself I’d never seen before that day.” He patted Urahara’s leg; mind somewhere far off. “Anyway, good talk.” He sprung to his feet and grabbed his rucksack. “Can we talk about this more next Wednesday? I’ve got club stuff to do in the meantime and I picked up a lotta shifts this week. We’ll save getting coffee for Friday.”

“Getting coffee?”

“I need a break from tea and coffee’s a good first date move, right? Plus Shinji said it was one thing you appreciated since leaving soul society. Though you on caffeine sounds like Yamamoto’s nightmare.”

Urahara’s mouth twisted into an indulgent grin. “It keeps me going through long experiments.”

“To each their own, I guess. See you Wednesday.”

“. . . See you Wednesday, Ichigo.”

“Ah.” Ichigo turned around and stomped back over to Urahara, leaning down to press a soft kiss to his temple. “Have a nice week.”

Kisuke tugged him down by the arm and pecked him on the cheek; glad to fluster Ichigo in exchange. “Be seeing you.”

Ichigo strode out proudly and responded to the empty corridor. “Not if I see you first.”


End file.
